Today would be the day that I put my BEST POKER FACE on. Nothing good happened, not a good start even. Been worried like hell today about him and seriously, I didn't give my 100% focus on anything cos I need to concentrate on not showing how I truly feel to people. I laughed and had to be nice to everyone but in my heart, only God knows. I wasn't that mad at first but like people said; if you don't let out what's been bugging you, it will eat you eventually. I guess that's what happened to me. I didn't channel my feelings/ worries the right way, just swallow everything in and I ended up popped and outburst. I never want to be angry and expressing it towards those that I love especially him but I'm just a human that loose control of it at times. I didn't mean to snapped at him and the truth is, deep inside I want to understand the situation that he's facing and I know that today had treated him badly as well. But as I've mentioned, I'm only a weak human being and when in rage, angst is the only thing that's clearer to me. After lots of crazy youtube karaoke session in my room, I finally cooled down and able to think straight again. As I rethink of my foolishness on my sudden outburst, I realized that I can be really emotional when it comes to him and I think that's normal cos I know that I'm emotionally attached to him. I never show that I'm angry at my friends but it's different with him and the reason for that is I don't want to hide anything from him. I want to tell him what I feel and think cos those are raw emotions.
I know that he's having a difficult time right now and I want to be there for him; letting him know that if he feels that he's all alone and no one's with him, I will ALWAYS be at his side to listen, giving him all the comforts that he needs and not forgetting to shower him with my love. I know that each and everyone of us would want to have time for ourselves to breath and just to be alone. I truly believe that's what he wants for the time being and of course, I understand perfectly. I never want anyone to be overwhelmed by me. As for now, I'm just going to let him be and patiently waiting. About his problems, I don't have the rights to know and let alone having the intention to force him to tell me every single detail cos I know it's none of my business but of course, I will be there for him when he needs someone to talk to or to share it with.
There's nothing else that I want to say but I love you hun.. Fogive me :'(