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Wednesday, July 6, 2011

God is good and He is love.

Lord, I am about to be ready to commit myself to someone I fell in love with. Could I take him now? I have prayed for him for quite a time now.

But the Lord answered. No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone. You need to give yourself totally unreserved to me because in me your satisfaction is to be found. And when you learn to commit yourself to me alone then, only then is the right time for you to be capable of perfect human relationship that I have planned for you long you thought at it.

You will never be united with another until you are united with me. You will never learn to speak and understand the true language of love until you hear me speak it. You will never learn how it is to love and be loved until you feel the tender touch of my LOVE.

I want you to stop planning. Stop wishing and allow me to step in and
give you the most surprising and exciting plan that you can imagine.
You are my child. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. Fix your eyes on me and expect the greatest things as you watch.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM. Learn all the things I
tell you and be patient. Just wait. Don’t be anxious. Do not worry.
Don’t look around and feel at the things others may have got. Yours
will be different because I LOVE YOU.

Don’t look at things you think you want. They may not be the things I
want for you. Look up straight at me because you might miss what I want to show you. And then, when you’re ready. I’ll surprise you with a lover far more wonderful than what you would ever dream of. But I won’t let you have it until you are ready and the one I prepared for you is ready, until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the LIFE I have prepared for you.

I came across this when I was tumblr-ing moments ago and it got me thinking, did this really happen to me? I began reminiscing my past, especially about my love life. Well, I don't actually have a love life in the past. Yes, I never have a real boyfriend before but it doesn't mean I'm not attracted to the opposite sex. I can't really remember how many guys that I have feelings for but I started to feel that way probably when I was 11, couldn't remember what's the name of my first crush. As year goes by,  In my secondary school years, most of my friends were in relationships. So the urge to have a boyfriend got stronger cos I don't want to be left out when my friends were chatting about what they did with their boyfriends, where they went dating in the weekends. It sucks sometimes when friends came up to me to share their problems about their relationship realizing that I knew nothing about relationships. All I did was giving advices that I don't even know work or not. 
I constantly prayed to God, not for my family or good result but just for a boyfriend. You may think that I was desperate, just like those girls that we normally watch in movies but at that time, I don't really care. All I wanted was a boyfriend and I thought that was the only thing that can make me happy.
So when I turned 18, I knew a guy ( let's call him 'douche', click here to know why) who works at a bar through a friend of mine and we got close. Douche is a fun man to be with and friendly, not forgetting that he's really good with the ladies. Good looking too. He was the one who always bring my drinks to me if I go clubbing at the club where he works and he always paid for them as well. At first, I thought that he was just looking after me but he then told me that he likes me. When he told me that, I was really happy. Never thought that a guy like him would have feelings for me. After that, I started to like him too and we got really really close. We both know we like each other but we never got serious, we looked like a couple but not officially. I was hoping that he would ask but when he did, I didn't say anything. I told him that I need to think about it and wait for me but the strange thing is, it seemed that he didn't expect that kind of answer so he began avoiding me and there was a distant between him and I. So I had to face the truth and I started not hanging out with them anymore. I don't go out at night as often as I used to and I had left my clubbing life.
I've forgotten all my feelings for him and moved on. I don't think too much on being in love after that. I just do what I want and basically just enjoying my single life. I did think about it when I'm lonely but it didn't bother me that much. I managed to graduate from La Salle and did a part time job as a cashier at Servay. 
Further study in uni after that and that's the highlight of my life. I began to get to know more people, including a guy who is a friend to a friend of mine. We started chatting and getting to know about each other more. He made me feel different about myself and when he told that he likes me, I was happy and that's because I know that he's sincere. He made a lot of efforts to make sure that I know he truly likes me and that's one of the reason why I love him. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I don't tell him to wait and said yes.
I'm so relieved that I didn't become douche's girlfriend cos I know that I'll end up broken hearted and I believe that God has another better guy for me rather than him and it has been proven. God knows better and I know He loves me, He won't let me go to guys that is not good enough for me. I now live a happier life cos I choose to wait. Even though that I have to wait for 21 years to have a boyfriend, it really is worth it cos my current boyfriend is the awesomest guy I've met and I know that him and I will be together forever. 

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